Is it okay to be angry? We’re asked that question a lot, so here’s the answer: YES, it is okay to be angry. But there’s a better way to deal with it rather than letting it get the better of you.
Anger is a normal human emotion. It is a feeling that makes sense. At some point in our lives, we all feel this emotion. But, we don’t all experience the same level of anger. Some people fly off the handle while others don’t get angry at all. When our anger begins to control our actions and behavior, it can be destructive and unacceptable. It can lead to a lot of problems, but you can learn how to control them. It is always a good idea to deal with anger.
When it comes to anger issues, the first thing that pops into the mind of the people is that anger is not a good thing and so it should be kept to the minimum. However, it is not as simple as that. There have been numerous cases when the anger got the better of the people and the people lost control of the situation.
Anger is a known symptom of several mental health conditions but anger itself is not regarded as a mental disorder. However, if you have anger issues, you have a chance to learn how to get rid of them. The first step is recognizing that anger issues exist.
Let’s have a look at how we can recognize concerns related to anger:
- Feeling of irritation.
- Facing anxiety.
- Being rude, losing a sense of humor.
- Your anger seems to be out of control.
- Increased heart-rate.
- Being verbally or physically abusive.
- Trembling or shaking lips, hands.
- Feeling sad/ depressed.
- Your anger is impacting your relationships.
- Increased blood pressure.
- Shallow breathing and/or breathlessness.
- Feeling of guilt.
- Want to run away from various situations.
When we are angry, it is easy to blame the other person for causing it, but this is often not the case. Anger is a reaction to a trigger, it is not something that is caused by another person. For example, someone cuts you off in traffic and you feel angry, the other person didn’t make you angry, the other person just triggered your anger. Some common factors that trigger anger are tiredness, hunger, grief/ loss, rude behavior, injustice, sexual frustration, failure/disappointment, the stress associated with debt, forms of stress, substance abuse, crime committed against yourself/ a loved one or being physically/ mentally unwell.
Everyone is familiar with the term “anger management” and its relation to stress management and dealing with anger. However, this is somewhat of a misnomer as the goal of anger management is to minimize the anger and not control it. It is always good to get control over/ rid of the anger as soon as it arises.
Ready to get your anger under control? Start by following these simple steps:
- Watch your words, one of the best methods is to take a break before reacting.
- Take your time to calm down and then address what troubles/bother you.
- Try to identify and stay away from what causes your anger.
- Use relaxation as a technique to calm yourself down (Meditation/Yoga).
- Exercise can help decrease the stress that provokes you to become angry.
- Talking to somebody, expressing your emotions may help you control your anger.
- Manage your thoughts, try to think of good happy things instead of fueling your anger.
- Try to think about something else to distract yourself from the feelings of anger.
- Focus on why you might be feeling angry and what emotions are behind the anger.
- Take behavioral therapy sessions from professionals.
- Practice anger management exercises at home.
- Join support groups.
- Take up anger management classes.
- Journal your thoughts.
However, if you are someone who is dealing with an individual going through anger issues, you might not be sure about being able to make them happy. But, here’s how you can try to help:
- Don’t shut them out.
- Try to be a good listener.
- Be open to conversations
- Avoid forcing opinions/ decisions on them.
- Give them space if required.
- Try to remain calm when he/she are angry.
- Show compassion towards the person.
- Communicate your boundaries.
- Resist giving advice.
- Take a break if you need to.
- Be aware of how severe the anger can get.
- Be patient with them.
- Offer to help them whenever needed.
- Get help if it starts to get violent.
Anger is a destructive force, it can cause harm to the person who is angry and to the people around them. Unfortunately, we often tend to take our anger out on those who we love the most, like our romantic partners. But devotion in a relationship shouldn’t imply that feelings like anger are delivered uncontrollably.
All relationships have some level of conflict. The better the relationship, the more conflicts will arise. While conflicts are natural, you need to learn to deal with them. Anger issues in a relationship will destroy peace. Sometimes couples feel cheated or they are faced with a lot of obstacles. It may get so bad that you lose control over it, which may result in an argument or even a physical fight.
When in a relationship anger can be of 2 types, The first is when a partner feels misunderstood, invisible or unheard in the relationship whereas, the second is when it arises from other factors that might be affecting one of the partners.
Here are tips to deal with anger to avoid damages in relationships with your significant other:
- The first thing to do is to be honest with your partner. Try to take some time and tell them how you feel. If you want it to work out, don’t blame them for what you are going through, but try to let them know that you are going through a hard time. If you don’t do this, then your partner will be in the dark and they will not know what you are going through or what they can do to help you.
- Learn to identify your anger in various forms like behavior patterns, Try to observe how the anger affects both you and your partner.
- Rather than ignoring your anger, work on it. Ignoring your anger will only make it worse therefore, it is better to work on your emotions and let them process properly. Try to comprehend the reason for your/ your partner’s anger before going to confront him/her.
- If you mess things up, it is better to take responsibility for it rather than defending yourself and losing your cool. Offer genuine apologies when you make mistakes and make amendments.
- Another thing you can do is take your mind off these issues for a little time and relax, let your partner relax/ cool down. When in anger you do not think rationally, this leads to over-interpretations, misunderstandings, immature conclusions, and irrational mindsets that can affect how you respond to what is happening. Wait until you and your partner are calm and avoid conversations when your mind is clouded.
Anger issues are not an easy thing to deal with. One of the most important things to remember is that you are not alone. There are many people out there that are dealing with the same issues as you and there will always be someone to talk to. If you need help to deal with this and are unable to cope up with your anger issues and need professional guidance, reach out to us at HEAL with Shivtensity, and connect with doctors, therapists or counselors to address your concerns. Remember, it’s never too late to get help and change your life!
Santos-Longhurst, A. (2021, September 9). Do I Have Anger Issues? How to Identify and Treat an Angry Outlook. Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/anger-issues#symptoms
Anger management: 10 tips to tame your temper. (2020, February 29). Mayo Clinic. https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/anger-management/art-20045434?reDate=29122021
Controlling your anger before it controls you. American Psychological Association. https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control